Thursday, August 1, 2013

Lend Me Your Laboratory-Grown Ears!

A human ear has been grown on the back of a mouse. This is gross, but also cool; the future is now. Rather than get into a lengthy and heated discussion on how this proves (to some) that God and Science can’t get along, let’s look into the marketing potential of this exciting news story. Don your Kafka sunglasses and ride this one out with me.

Marketing potential for laboratory-grown human parts:

-Smoking Never Felt So Refreshing As It Will When You Win A New Lung From Big Tobacco! Buy A Carton Now To See If You've Struck It Lucky!

-Cirrhosis, Schmirrhosis! Drink Up, You Just Might Win A New Liver! (Details at the bottom of this bottle.)

-Eat Your Way To A New Heart, Only At (insert any fast-food chain name here)! Collect Matching Game Pieces To Win A Brand New Laboratory-Grown Heart!

-Carpal Tunnel From Too Much Late Night Computing? Buy A Computer From Us Today, And We’ll Guarantee You A New Wrist When Yours Blows Out Completely! (No embarrassing questions asked.)

-Brain Dead From Watching Too Much Terrible Network Programming? Want Re-Runs To Be New-Runs Again? Watch Even More Television To Be Entered Into Our Drawing To Win A New Brain!

There are many more and I would have continued, but I have a lot of smoking and drinking to catch up on...


  1. If only Vincent Van Gough was born a couple hundred years later.

  2. I'd love to order a few of those to attach to my teenagers to see if it improves their listening capabilities! Then again...imagine if they started putting gages in those too...